A Guide To Moving Out After A Relationship Breakdown
A Guide To Moving Out After A Relationship Breakdown
Sam and Vanessa had been together for six years and had moved in together four years ago. Their first five years together had been fantastic, which is why they decided to find a place to move in together. To their mutual distress, however, it had become clear over the last six months that their relationship wasn’t working out. After half a year of trying to rekindle the joy in their partnership, they reluctantly decided to go their separate ways.
Stories like this happen every day in Australia, and each instance generates a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, relief. The emotional buffeting of a relationship breakdown is one of the most stressful experiences anyone can go through, and emotionally letting go of someone can take years.
Unfortunately, if you had been living together, you won’t have years to figure out how best to move out. You will probably need to separate your physical lives while the pain is still fresh. Many already difficult separations are made worse by the practicalities of one party moving out of the place that up until recently was home to two people. So how do you get through this in a civilised way? This guide can help you avoid the worst of the ‘moving out’ process following a relationship breakdown.
As expert furniture removalists in Brisbane, Optimove gives you some guidelines in such difficult situations.
It may seem like the most challenging thing to do at this time, but you’re going to have to have some serious conversations with your ex. As bad as things are, they will be worse if you don’t talk about a few practicalities now. Some things to cover might be:
* Who will be moving out and who will stay?
* If moving out, where will you or they go? Consider that if you’re asking your ex to move out, you can expect resistance and hostility. They may have nowhere to go, or they may not be in a financial situation to live elsewhere.
* If you want to vacate the apartment/house/etc., is it possible to find a new roommate in your place?
* Maybe you can pay a portion of your rent to help cover expenses for the remainder of the lease?
* When you break up with someone, lease agreements or mortgage repayments may mean that you can’t move out straight away. If this is the case, is it possible to still live together, get along and respect each other? Keep in mind that though it may be economically convenient to stay under the same roof post-break-up, it can pose many awkward situations and difficulties, not least of which is hindering the process of getting over each other.
* Can you both move out and sublet the apartment?
* If you break the lease, what is the penalty and can you pay it?
* Is there a negative reference for breaking the contract and paying the penalty?
* Is it less expensive to pay your half of the rent for the remainder of the lease?
Be creative and discuss what each of you can do to find areas to agree and compromise on.
If you’re the one who has ended the relationship, you should consider stepping up and taking responsibility for talking to landlords or banks. Try not to get bogged down in blaming and squabbling, especially if you’re the one that wants to progress the breakup. It also means that your ex can’t hold things up or delay them by not taking action.
Leave, With A Little Help From Your Friends
If it’s practical, it’s often best for one of you to move out once the relationship is over. It can just be too awkward, or painful, or downright maddening to still live in the same house together. If it’s fallen to you to leave home, then you’re going to need some help.
Call a friend you trust, or two, pack a bag of essentials and stay on your friend’s couch for a while. If your relationship with your ex is civil, they should let you leave most of your things at the house until you’ve found a new place to live. Worst case scenario, you may need to rent some storage if you can’t leave your things at your old home.
Your friends will be a great support at this time. Especially if you’re the one that’s been broken up with, you’re going to get the lion’s share of the sympathy. Do not feel sad or embarrassed about this. Your friends will want to help, so let them. Try to be a good house-guest and not over-stay either. It will be good for you to find your place and start to move on with your life.
Who Gets What?
Ok, so it comes to this. There are going to be some things that are yours or theirs, but especially if you’ve been together for a while, there are going to be many things that could fairly be seen as both of yours. So how do you share nicely, now of all times?
Heads up: it’s not going to feel fair. However you decide to split things up, it’s likely that it’ll seem that they’re getting the better deal.
Some handy rules of thumb:
* If you brought something into the house that you bought for yourself before you moved in together, it’s yours.
* If you purchased your ex a gift, it belongs to them.
* Learning to let things go is essential for getting through this with as few emotional bruises as possible. Seriously. They’re just things.
The pain and anxiety of a relationship breakdown put material possessions into perspective. You’ll both want to argue as little as possible, and if letting go of a coffee table or the novelty salt and pepper shakers is going to smooth the process, take that option. It will be worth it for a more peaceful transition.
But what about more substantial possessions? You might be ready to dig in and fight for the car or the big-screen TV. If you’re still going to be making payments for something, then it’s reasonable that it goes with you. Other than that, if you can’t agree to sell it and split the money, it’s usually best to let those things go too. To be clear, don’t leave yourself short and let them keep everything. You still need to feel respected once the dust settles. However, if arguing over an item is going to create fresh pain and arguments, then walk away. It’s not worth that much.
Plan to Fail
This might seem like a cold, unromantic suggestion, but it might be worth discussing a break-up strategy while you’re still happily together. It’s less common these days for long-term relationships to start at marriage, where prenuptial agreements are sometimes used. Yet the idea is the same: planning for the worst while hoping for the best. Creating a plan while you’re able to communicate amicably and discuss compromise without bitterness could be very useful down the track. Write your plan down, and you can place it in a bottom drawer somewhere, only to see the light of day if you need it.
Moving On With Dignity
Even the most sensible, organised people will find a relationship breakdown an upsetting experience. If things are falling apart, do your best to be fair and find common ground. Try to put things like revenge out of your mind, as it will always hurt more than help you. If you’re on the receiving end of lousy break-up behaviour, be clear with your ex that you’re willing to work together in a calm, respectful fashion. Keep written records if you can.
No part of a break up is easy. Accept that it will hurt, and act the best way you can in spite of the pain. Things will get better, though it may take time, and handling your move out with maturity will help the process.
Friendly, Professional Movers to Help with Your Transition
If you’re looking for professional Brisbane furniture removalists to help you move out of your old house, get in touch with Optimove. Our teams are experienced, punctual and professional. We will consult with you and find out exactly how you’d like us to carry out the move. We can even do all the packing, moving, and unpacking for you. Just let us know which items you’d like us to move for you.